Yesterday I ran in the She Is Beautiful Baby Mama 10k with Max. Our first race together. We ran along the Santa Cruz coastline, weather was beautiful, hearing the waves crash against each other and being surrounded by beautiful women of all shapes and sizes. Usually I would run with my iPod but I wanted to really listen to the waves and clear my mind of all the junk/negative thoughts that have been stirring I'm my mind lately. The thoughts that I were having were "Am I Strong Enough to be a Mother?" There have been moments that I just can't do it, I get all stressed out, I just cry and want to be alone. I know this is normal for mothers but I would think is it going to get worst?? Some might say its postpartum depression, shoot maybe it is but I'll be damned if I'm going to let it control me and my home!! So as I was running yesterday I took those thoughts and released them into the ocean! I was praying that God would give me the strength, heal me from PPD and continue to guide me in motherhood. When I came back around to finish the last mile I kept looking at Max and all he was doing was SMILING! Oh man I just wanted to stop and get on my knees and Thank God! Because I knew that I was being set FREE! I know that I'm stronger than I think! Max's smiles were confirmation from God ❤ As I crossed the finish line the only thought that I was praying on was "This is it Angela, there's no going back. It's a new chapter for you, you're going to overcome all the obstacles, it's not going to be easy. It will hurt at times, you will cry, you will feel defeated but just know I'm here for you. You're human!" Soon as I crossed and saw Alex I felt all my worries, fears and concerns were left in the ocean! Usually I would tear up as I cross the finish line but yesterday it was more SMILES! Because I was full of HAPPINESS!!! But seeing Alex brought me so much joy, I know he's proud of me for not giving up, finishing every mile of defeat and believing in Gods trust. Yes I can rely on Alex for support but ultimately I have to trust in God! He's the one that's going to get me through my rough days. He's going to bring me to the finish line!!!!!
My point is if you are reading this and you are going through tough times, maybe even postpartum depression just know you're going to get through it. You might not see it now but if you BELIEVE and Trust in God you will! I'm sharing my true honest feelings with you because I know someone is going through it and you feel alone. I'm an open book and I always keep it real. I have my days but in the end I'm ALWAYS smiling, always thankful and will always be true to myself.
PPD is not to be taken lightly so seek professional help, stay in prayer and continue to surround yourself with positive people.
I'm thankful that I'm adapting, being real with myself and I know that I'm getting stronger as a woman of God, wife, mother and fitness coach. I LOVE being Max's mommy and will continue everyday to do my BEST!! Us FIT MAMAS have to stick together!
Strong & Fearless ❤
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