One Month Postpartum

I can't believe that Noah is a month- seems like yesterday I was checking into the hospital.   Time sure flies by when you are having fun.  With that said I just wanted to share our birth story breastfeeding journey.  Both which have been a beautiful with challenges, growth and everlasting memories as a mother.  


Noah's birth story began the morning of February 2, 2015...it was a chilly morning.  We left our home at 5:30am and checked into Los Banos Memorial Hospital at 6:00am. Alex and I were both experiencing so many emotions...although we have been down this road before - two years ago with Max.  But this time it was different.  We were in a new town and the only family we had with us were my in laws and they were at our home with Maximus. As I checked in, changed into the hospital gown and settled into the pre- op room I started to get nervous.  Nurses were poking me, asking me a million questions and the room was HOT!  I was literally watching the clock go tick tock.  My phone was going off, Alex was taking selfies of me trying to distract my nerves but nothing was working. 

I had to use the bathroom a million times and each time I kept telling Alex I can't do this.  I'm not ready!   I was literally freaking out!  I was a huge mess..not exactly how I visioned this experience to go.   So as I sat on the toilet - yes the toilet - I had to get myself together!   We stood in the bathroom and literally started praying.  I had a choice to either stand tall and walk by faith or literally have the worst c-section experience ever.  I knew that I was in good hands by my doctor and many were praying for me. I walked out of the bathroom and the nurses were waiting for me. They wheeled me off to the operation room and the whole time I was just praying, thinking of Maximus and how blessed I was to be a mother.  Alex had to wait for a few minutes before he could join me.  The nurses were amazing!   As they injected me with the shot, one of the nurses asked to hug me and I said YES, please do because I am scared!!  It smelled, the room was bright and I saw all these utensils.  Shortly after I did not feel my legs, everything was blocked out and I started to relax.  Then Alex came in and grabbed my hand.  He started to pray, I closed my eyes and started to vision our family of four.  All the memories we were going to make.  Seeing Max play with his brother. Noah worshiping in church.  I could truly feel God's presence in the operation room. Even Alex had shared with the team that I ran a half marathon while pregnant! I could hear them saying nice things and although I wanted to laugh and chime in I knew I needed to keep my eyes closed, continue to be in His presence and just be still.   Shortly after I opened my eyes and I could hear Noah's cry!   It was by far the most beautiful sound ever!  They brought him to me and I thought immediately he looks like Alex! Tears of joy fell from my face (I am literally crying as I write this), tears ran down Alex's face and we just looked into each others eyes and without saying nothing we both felt the same thing.  


I had to go into a recovery room for an hour - YES AN HOUR!  I was not aware of this and all I wanted to do was hold Noah and start our breastfeeding journey.  I started to get nervous because the first few minutes are crucial to a nursing mom.   But looking back I am glad that I waited an hour because I got time to rest and take it all in.  Shortly after I got to meet my beautiful son:  Noah Michael Zapien.  Holding him for the first time was breathtaking.  He was so beautiful. He smelled fresh.  A gift truly from God.  I fell in love with him immediately.  I couldn't believe he was mine.  It was a feeling of becoming a mother for the first time...indescribable.  Nothing else mattered.  No pain. No worries.  No anxiety.  I knew that God has given me Noah to strengthen me up and he did.   The tears I shed when I held Noah was my way of saying Thank You to my Heavenly Father.  He chose me as Noah's mother.  He chose me to birth him.  He chose the c-section path.  He had it all planned out since day one.   For that I am grateful because if I didn't experience it all I don't think I would have the strength I have today.   

A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world - John 16:21


When Noah and I got to experience skin to skin and I was able to nurse him it was yet another sweet reward as his mother.  I longed for this moment to come.  I truly believe it's one of the most beautiful moments a mother and child can share.  At first Noah had latch on issues but with help we were able to start our journey together. He only had three demands. They were warmth in the arms of me, food from my breasts and the security knowing of my presence.  At this point that was my only focus as being his mother.  

Breastfeeding is very important to me as mother.  I didn't care if I would go through troubles because I know how important is was for me and how beneficial it was to my children.   I was fortunate enough to have nursed Max for sixteen months.  Not once was he sick. We created a bond that I cherish to date.  Breastfeeding helped me with my postpartum recovery - you burn many calories!  We saved hundreds of dollars, time and effort.  Breastfeeding has many positive benefits.  
I've come to realize that there is not much support for mothers who choose to breastfeed.   There are many articles out there that give support to mothers who didn't breastfeed and with much respect that is their choice.  But I wonder what about the mothers that do?  Why is it we get the short end of the stick?   I am very open on sharing my breastfeeding journey in hopes that it will inspire a mother to choose to breastfeed and choose to not give up!   We bust our butts off and we should be credited.   Some of us including myself have faced latch on issues, over supply, nipple soreness, long nights, no sleep, waking up every 2-3 hours to nurse or PUMP.   Not to mention the emotional aspect of it.  BUT!  I am here to encourage every nursing or pumping mama to NOT GIVE UP!   YOU ROCK!  There are many supports groups out there.  La Leche League is a great one!  I recommend their book:  The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I've also been inspired to start a Facebook breastfeeding group.   We ALL need the support!   The bond that you have created with your child will forever be cherished.   I AM PROUD OF YOU!  

Each experience can either break us or make us.   I am choosing God's path to make me....make me a stronger mother both spiritually and physically.   We all have a beautiful birth story and God knows exactly how's it going to pan out.  Whether you pushed for a hundred hours or had a c-section you still had your baby the natural way.  

 I truly hope that our story has inspired you.  It's been an incredible ride this past month.  I am thankful for all our friends and family that has reached out one way or another.  THANK YOU!