Jesus is the Reason

We started this holiday season yesterday by getting our Christmas tree - Our first one as a family.   The sun was shining, our hearts were filled with a powerful message from church and I was just full of JOY!    We decided to head to our local Home Depot and we found the perfect tree.   Short, stubby and fit perfectly in our budget.  Of course Max slept through the whole process but thankfully I took photos to capture the moments.    As Alex was loading up the tree in our car I couldn't help but cry. It was pure joy! I longed for creating these type of memories with my family. And here I was...Max 1st Christmas (he was only 4 days old last year and I just had a c-section so I was not in full spirit) our first tree as a family, new traditions and most of all sharing the true meaning of Christmas.   Our day consisted of decorating, listening to Christmas music and watching Max get into everything HA!   Fun Moments!    But as the evening progressed I started to feel uneasy, started to get tired and Max just did not want to go down for a nap.   I guess you could say my patience was running low.  I just kept 

telling myself hang in there, enjoy these moments but the other side of me simply wanted quiet time.   

After awhile Max took a bath and since this seems to be a time for me to sit in silence all I could do was cry!  I was exhausted, my head hurt and all these mixed emotions kept appearing in my mind.  The memories I had with my own mother during the holidays (earlier that day we came across pictures when things were "normal"),  the pressure of Christmas and the fear that maybe all moms go through:  Failure!    As I was praying I just kept asking God why does that fear keep coming back?  Why can't I just be normal?   What am I lacking?    It clicked!   I was not spending enough time in prayer, reading my bible and working on my spiritual side!!!    I have realized that I was spending time in other things: Being the best SAHM,  wife, coach and so forth.  Don't get me wrong all those things are great and should be taken care of BUT if I am not putting 100% in my relationship with God, I know I will start to hit a plateau.....and I have.   

I came across a blog and her words really ministered to me: 

Dear Mama of a Baby and a Toddler,

I know life may be very overwhelming right now. I know sometimes you just want to throw up your hands in the air and cry.
I know that you sometimes tell God that you don’t know what He was thinking when He made you a mother.
(I promise you…He knew exactly what He was doing when He picked you to mother your children!)
I know that sometimes you feel frumpy and lonely and at your wit’s end.
It will get better.

Go in grace, Mama. Go in grace. 

When I read those words all I could do is weep. These words were for me. Perfect timing.  It was my wake up call if you will. So, me spending 15 minutes with God is just not enough - at least for me anyway.  I need more. I want more of His everlasting grace.   I suddenly realized it was 2am in the morning and I was exhausted yet I was fired up!   I decided it's time to get some rest. I curled up next to Max and Alex and we had a sleepover in Max's room.  I was surrounded by two of my favorite boys.  I  knew I was safe. I was loved.  

I woke up this morning feeling so motivated and a big load has been lifted off of me.  I am NOT Super Mom. I am in control of my thoughts, actions and words.  It's up to me to stay on track spiritually.   Especially when life gets overwhelming.   As I was sharing with Alex this morning my number priority when I wake up is to take care of ME and that means by praying, reading my word and focusing on building my strength up.  I am not weak.  I am human who just needs more discipline.  If I can press play, run, eat clean then why can't I do better in my spiritual fitness?  

I am sharing this because I know God has big plans for my life.  My trials, my struggles are MY story.   I will overcome of all this. My life is to worship God in everything I do.   As I continue to work on myself, I pray that my story will inspire you.   Perhaps it'll bring someone peace, bring you closer to God and just knowing that we all have a story.   It doesn't mean we are not strong - in fact I personally think our struggles makes us stronger.  WHY?  Because we don't quit!   We love our children.  We love our husbands.   We love God.   And with that it's our purpose to strive for GREATNESS especially in our homes.  

Jesus is the reason I get up everyday.  He is the reason I am who I am today.   He is the reason for Christmas.     

"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near.
Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving; let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your heartsand your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:4-7

"Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:"
Proverbs 31:28 NLT

Strong and Fearless <3