Body Image

Quit worrying about what other people see when they look at you. Start seeing yourself as God sees you; his beloved, priceless work of art.  I read those words this morning as I was reading my word.   It couldn't have come at a better time.  

Here's a little background on myself and my weight.   I've always been "skinny".  I used to get picked on all the time in my younger days.  No matter what my grandma used to cook for us I just couldn't gain any weight.  She even put me in martial arts to gain weight.  It got worst in High School when I was picked on because I was the girl with BIG BOOBS and a tiny waist.  I was called mean names and bullied.  There was a time that girls thought I liked their boyfriends and wanted to fight me over it.   It caused alot of pain and I even made some mistakes due to my low self esteem. 

Fast forward 15 years or so and as I sit here and type this I can honestly say hearing those words "You are skinny" "You look skinny" still affect me.  I truly know that when someone tells me that I know it's coming from a nice place.  But until this moment not many know my story.  Not many know my insecurities.  Not many know that I struggle just like them.   Being skinny is sometimes just as hard as someone that is overweight.  I too struggle with finding things that fit.  Sometimes an XS is big or just doesn't fit my body right.   I struggle finding a good sports bra.   I often have the thoughts of I can eat whatever I want!  LOL!  (That's my FAV excuse).  Since I am breastfeeding, working out and eating right I still find myself picking out my flaws.  For instance, I'm noticing that I can see my collar bones more and my chest bones are more visible (Alex says that's normal) HA!  Bless his heart!  But that ugly word stands out: SKINNY!!   All then all the insecurities arise!  WHY!!  Why are we so hard on ourselves?  Why do focus so much on the negative?  Why can't we see the masterpiece that we are?   Why can't we embrace our inner beauty more?   

I know that I am fit especially after having Max.  I know I work hard in my workouts.  I know I am strong.  I know I am fearless.  I know that my body is made different.   I know all those things!  So, when I was reading Psalm 139:13-18 it showed me God made me this way.  Instead of trying to recreate what God created I need to start embracing it.  I need to walk with my head up.  I need to embrace my skinny-ness.   SKINNY is the NEW STRONG!!!    

As I closed out my prayer time with God I left all those insecurities at his feet.  I am no longer going to let that word affect me no more.  I am going to continue to work hard on the inside cause that is what truly matters.  If you are reading this and you are letting something affect you, I pray that you just let it go.  You are a masterpiece.  God designed you just the way you are.  Love Yourself.  Be Fearless.  Walk with your head up.  Keep pushing through your journey.   Be YOU!